Religion has never been my thing. I have trouble with the word “God.” Whenever I hear someone telling me a story and they tell me God helped them solve whatever problem they had, I find myself resisting what they are saying. I keep picturing some bearded guy in the clouds judging us. I know its silly and I really think we all are saying the same thing but using different words, whether its God, Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Source, etc. I think we all resonate with what makes sense to us.
Since I wasn’t raised in a religious household I always found religion interesting though. I even took myself to church in my preteens to find out what it was about. I wanted to believe what the preacher was saying but it was like forcing myself to believe there was a Santa Claus, so I stopped going.
When my dad died in 1986 I went into a crisis of sorts and sent my nine-year old son to catechism school. I never had him baptized as a baby so I figured I “should do something.” He went along with the idea but I think he went just to make me feel better (what a good son I have). As soon as he was baptized in the Catholic Church, we never went back.
In the 90s I felt the urge to go to different churches and see what they believed, including Scientology. The most fun I had was in a Zionist church. They sure knew how to have a good time! Lot’s of singing and dancing!
A few years later I discovered the Zen Center and it felt like home. There was no talk of Judgment Day and I wouldn’t be punished for blasphemy and it was ok to ask questions if something didn’t make sense to me. To this day I read and listen to videos about Buddhist teachings. I also believe I have a spirit guide (I don’t know why, I just do).
I would like to work on my resistance though, when I hear someone talking about their faith in God. It’s not like they are trying to convert me. In fact they don’t even ask what I believe, so I know it’s me — not them.
Anyone else wrestle with this stuff?