Lately, I have been attracted to different spiritual blogs and videos. The main message they have in common is to find your authentic self. Authentic self? I’m just me. That’s my true self. According to these spiritual teachers, the majority of us aren’t living as our true, authentic selves. We are living according to the rules imposed on us by our parents, our work place, friends and society. Most of us work jobs with the sole purpose to collect a paycheck. The time for fun and fulfillment is after work, weekends and vacations.
We wear clothes and hairstyles that are age appropriate. We look to magazines to see what is currently “In.” We want to fit in and be accepted, so in our minds, we think we have to be just like everyone else. We forget each of us are unique.
I forgot I am unique.
My authentic self has shown up several times throughout my life, although I didn’t understand it at the time. I know I never felt that I fit in with the people (mainly women), I wanted to hang around. I forced myself to be interested in their conversations because I thought I was supposed to.
Now I get it.
How do I know when I am being my authentic self? It’s when I am doing something that feels good to me. It’s wearing clothes that feel comfortable to me. It’s reading spiritual books that I resonate with, even though they aren’t mainstream.
I am drawn to meditation; to holistic health, wearing crystals, smudging, astrology, and the paranormal. When I experience them, I feel like I’m home. I am expressing my true self. I am a bohemian. I am different than most people my age, at least in the community where I live. My tribe is out there. I’ve met a few. I feel it when I am around them. I know them intuitively. I am an empath. I am a healer. The first day I took a massage therapy class, I knew it was my calling. All those other jobs I worked over the years was only a way to earn money (to buy things I didn’t need). Massage and healing comes naturally to me. After that first massage class, I learned everything I could about healthy living; at the same time I still tried to be like everyone else when I wasn’t at work or home.
For the last year my authentic self has been coming out more and more when I’m in public, but I still didn’t understand that I was actually living my true self. I didn’t understand the significance. The clothes I wear, the rituals I do (smudging, writing and sending my desires to the Universe); the books I read, the videos I watch — they are all me. The real me. The me that has been hiding for nearly 58 years. The Buddhist teachings I am also drawn to, do not conflict with any of the other interests I have. In fact they encourage me to pursue them and to be my true self.
I no longer worry about fitting in. I am happy with who I am. I am unique. I am finally living my authentic self.