We have now lived in our new place for 72 days. On day 70, I finally did not feel anxious. I’m not sure why, but since we moved, more often than not, I woke up feeling anxious. On other days the feeling came and went. It wasn’t fun. But recently things turned around. I am back to my happy self. For the most part, I’ve always been a happy person and optimistic, so when I felt bad for so many days, I got a bit worried. I consider myself to be a sleuth when it comes to mysteries. I call myself curious, hubby says I’m nosey. Either way, I like to get to the bottom of why something is happening, especially when it’s happening to me. When I got cancer, the first thing I thought was, How did this happen? I then went to work on finding the answer and how to get well.
This time I did the same thing and after reading different sources, I came to the conclusion, my anxiety was a direct result of my thoughts. Right Thought is one of the Noble Eightfold Path teachings:
Right Thought (Samma sankappa) or Intention, means clear vision leading to clear thinking. Right thought leads to the elimination of harmful thoughts and developing such positive states of mind such as metta (loving-kindness), which is opposed to hatred, ill-will or aversion and developing thoughts of harmlessness or compassion which are opposed to cruelty and callousness.
It took me awhile to figure out that I spent a great deal of my day having arguments (in my head) with people who I believed, were doing me wrong. It was the same thoughts over and over which made me angry and fearful because I believed I couldn’t do anything about these “bad” people. The result of this wrong thinking caused me suffering in the form of anxiety.
Now that I knew what the problem was, I decided to take action.
- I began to write three pages everyday of all the things I appreciate and used to take for granted. I wrote anything down that popped into my head. I still do that.
- I watched my thoughts while I meditated and reminded myself that what ever came up were only thoughts, not reality.
- I observed my thoughts through the day. When the arguments in my head started, I quickly reminded myself they were only thoughts and wouldn’t it be more fun to think about what I wanted to manifest; in other words, keep my eyes on the prize, which is our animal sanctuary.
- I watched the video featuring Michael A. Singer, who wrote the book, The Untethered Soul. He gives a lecture on living a mindful life. (You can find the video at the end of this post).
- I watched lots of Abraham Hicks videos. If you don’t know who they are, they talk about the law of attraction and how we manifest our life experiences by the vibrations we send out. They remind me that a belief (about anything) is just a thought I keep thinking over and over, and how thoughts create feelings… like anxiety.
It actually didn’t take me that long to come to my senses; maybe because I was learning this stuff for a while. The thing is I was learning it intellectually but not applying it to my day-to-day life. It looked good on paper but if I wasn’t living the teachings, I wasn’t benefiting from the lessons. Buddhism and law of attraction are very similar; they both teach us that controlling, or at least observing our thoughts, help us to respond not react to life situations.
Now I wake up giving thanks. I appreciate my environment (the trees, the birds, the clean smelling air) when I take the dogs out for a morning walk.
I practice living in the moment. If a judgment thought enters my mind, I look at it and remind myself that its only my monkey mind. Thoughts are not reality, and they are usually false assumptions.
It feels good to feel good again.
Here’s Michael Singer’s video:
This is the Abraham video I start my day with. I listen to it while I eat breakfast: