Lately I’ve been feeling lazy. Well, lazy in the sense that I’m not constantly doing something. That’s not right either, I am doing something, I’m just not doing what I consider productive by society’s standards. I definitely have not been writing much. I am watching lots of old television shows on Netflix, reading, playing with my critters, napping, and going for short walks.
I guess I’m used to always doing something. When I lived in Southern California, I belonged to a writing group and volunteered at the infusion center two days a week. I grocery shopped, walked my dogs, talked to my neighbor. I was more social than I am now. That could be because I no longer live in a large city. My closest neighbors are pine trees, a squirrel and variety of butterflies. There are deer roaming the area but they mostly come out after dusk and the only way I know they came by is by the deer poop they left on my driveway. This is probably the first time I have lots of free time to do whatever I want and maybe I’m feeling a bit lost.
I could write more, but I don’t. Maybe I’m experiencing writer’s block.
Maybe I’m enjoying just hanging out. Most of my life, I was busy…too busy! I had no time for myself and I was exhausted most of the time. I’d feel to guilty sitting around for an afternoon doing nothing. There were too many thing needing to be done. I was a wife, a mom and an employee. There was no time to sit still.
I’m still a wife, although to a different husband. My son is grown and doing his own thing. I don’t work outside the home right now, so there really isn’t anything that needs to be done right now, outside of house cleaning, but since I figured out that Martha Stewart isn’t visiting anytime soon, I can be more lax about that.
As I write this, I look around and see my fur babies napping. They do this about twenty hours a day. I don’t think they’re thinking, “I sure feel lazy. Why aren’t I more productive?” No, they look pretty content to me. Maybe I would do better following their example and just be content doing what I’m doing, which at the moment is writing this post. Instead of wondering if I’m lazy, I’ll look at this time as my time to just “be”.
There’s quite a bit of Buddhist articles about the art of hanging out. Actually they probably mean meditating and living in the present moment. I don’t think what I’m doing could be considered the same thing…or maybe it is. I often tell myself, I am enjoying my life exactly the way it is and I think that’s a good thing. Buddhism is also big on gratitude and living simply. I am definitely doing both. There was a time I never felt content. What little “free time” I did have, I spent shopping. There was always something else I wanted to buy. I didn’t feel satisfied or grateful for what I already had. Now I enjoy everything I have and even keep a gratitude journal.
So I’ve decided right here, right now to stop wondering if I’m productive enough and just enjoy the day.
How do you spend your free time?