For the last month I have been in a funk. I have zero motivation to do anything. I just do what I need to do; take care of my fur babies, feed myself, clean the house (sort of) and the rest of the time is spent looking through social media to see what’s happening or watching Netflix. I blame it on the heat. Intense heat. Outside temps have been the mid 90s to 100 the whole month of July. I do not have A/C and the house doesn’t have much insulation. It’s like living in a garage. The house heats up around 3 p.m. and stays hot (85-90 degrees) until 9 p.m.
A week ago I opened the slider and put a box fan in front of the screen door to get cool air inside faster. It worked pretty good until Monday when I woke up at 6 a.m. to see an army of several hundred ants running around the dining room floor and walls. I’m not the only one suffering from heat. Ants are too and looking for water. I completely understand that but sharing my home with ants doesn’t work with me, so the slider door stays closed and I’m back to sweating.
Saying the last month has been bad isn’t actually true. I’ve been unhappy living here for a loooong time. I regret moving here. I don’t know what my intuition was thinking, telling me we were moving from Southern California to a rural area over two years ago. Why would it do that if it knew I would be miserable? I haven’t figured that out yet. I do know we saved a few animals whose owners were sick and they had no one to care for them. We gave their pets a home until their owners were well enough to take them back. I am happy about that. I remind myself of that frequently and at the same time I stll feel unhappy.
Buddha calls it suffering. Instead of looking within for my happiness, I focus on what’s going on outside. I suffer because I am unhappy with my living situation. There are times I am pissed off and there are times I feel sorry for myself. I know if I keep this up it will affect my health. That is definitely not what I want–so yesterday I decided to change my perspective. Since I can’t control the weather, or get automatic A/C, or move to a place where I think will be better, I chose to change my thoughts.
India has always been interesting to me; the culture, the food, the spiritual practices. There is no way I am visiting India in this lifetime but I can pretend I’m staying at an ashram in India. It’s hot there and I’m guessing not many places have A/C. I can make Indian foods like hummus and fresh veggies. I can listen to Indian music–one of my favorite bands is Kula Shaker.
I know it’s not real Indian music. They are an infusion of Indian spiritual and rock and roll. So far it’s working. I do feel better. I pretend I’m living elsewhere, somewhere exotic.
All things are temporary and I know I will move from here to a new place. I always land on my feet and things have a way of working out. I need to keep the faith and for now adjust my attitude so I can allow my well-being to flow into my life experience.