The older I get the less time I have for bullshit, meaning wasting my time on things that do not enrich my life of just make me happy. I know my happiness is an inside job but I’m still like a lot of humans, my mood is affected by what’s happening around me. I am working on that. Really, I am! I think the winter months, the grey skies, feeling cold most of the time and the isolation affect my mood the most. I wrote about this in an earlier post so I won’t go into that again, and I am doing things to make me feel better.
Someone made the suggestion to go for a brisk walk. I agree, but I need a walker to get around outdoors due to balance issues from past the radiation therapy that killed the c-word but screwed up the nerves in my lower back which affects my balance. I can go for walks, but I have to wait for hubby’s days off.
Living in a rural area means we share a road to get to our properties. The road is not maintained by the county. It’s up to the residents to pitch in money (which they won’t) to maintain it. It looks like there was originally asphalt but years of weather and wear and tear from vehicles driving on it have torn it up. In the winter it turns into mud and potholes. There are a few guys who periodically shovel gravel into the potholes but after another heavy rain the gravel sinks into the dirt and becomes a bigger pothole. It is not safe for me to walk along that road and there isn’t anywhere else to walk. We are surrounded by woods and private properties. I can and do get my walking done indoors. I walk in place while I listen to upbeat music. I do enjoy that.
I’m getting myself off topic, so I’ll get back to what I intended to write about. What I wanted to say was, the older I get time is something I think about more often. I turned 63 a few months ago. I am happy about that, even grateful, which reminds me to not squander my precious time doing things I do not enjoy, or spend time with people who are chronic complainers. I know, you’re probably thinking I’m complaining right now, but I’m really not. I’m processing my feelings through this blog and sharing them with you. I really am basically a happy person and optimistic about my future, that’s why I don’t want to waste time, or at least be more choosy how I spend my day.
Buddhism writes a lot about impermanence. Every single thing that is here now will someday be gone, so better enjoy myself now (as long I don’t hurt any other sentient being in the process).
In the past when I was younger, I did a lot of things I didn’t particularly enjoy because I wanted the person, usually some guy, to like me. I was a people pleaser and doing that got me into some hairy situations. There was a period in my life though after divorcing my 3rd husband (don’t judge) I lived alone for the first time in my life. I moved to San Francisco, lived there for ten years and experienced a huge personal growth spurt. I dated only for fun and spent a lot of time alone. That’s when I started reading self-help books which led me to spirituality. I was in my forties at the time.
Then I went through a health crisis nine years ago which got me back into spirituality and taking my health seriously, like changing my diet to vegan. You would think I would be aware of time back then, but no, it was when I made it to my sixties and more so these past few months that got me to thinking about time. Maybe it was being stuck in bed for over a month when I fractured my hip that got me to thinking more about my life and the choices I make. Can I interject here how grateful I am for the Internet? Having a place to interact with others, even though online, has helped me immensely. I learned everything I know about health, physical, mental and spiritual, through my laptop screen. I know there’s lots of misinformation floating around but the “Mrs. Kravitz” in me researches everything thoroughly before I come to any conclusions.
So, now before I commit any great deal of time on anything, including watching movies on Netflix, I ask myself, Is this good for my mental health? Do I feel happy or at least content while doing this? Will doing this benefit me in some way?
So that’s basically it. I want to feel happy for the time I am here in this time space reality. How about you? I always appreciate input. Just leave a comment.
And I watched this video a few years and found it again just now. It helps make my point.