Strangers tend to tell me their life stories (and problems) within minutes of meeting me. Friends can do the same and I used to give them advice but a wise person told me, “words don’t teach, life experience does.” So now I listen (sort of) and say I’m sorry to hear that…then I am on my way. As an empath, I can absorb their energy and leave the conversation feeling zapped. while the other person feels better. (The same thing happened when I was a massage therapist. My client felt great and I had their aches and pains. I learned to ground myself before each session and that problem was solved). As for what some call “holding space” I learned that I need to take care of myself first and the best thing for me is to listen and remain detached (Buddhism taught me this). If someone sees me as someone to constantly vent to, I learned to stop spending time with them and not feel guilty. It’s normal to have problems from time to time but there are those whose lives are nothing but continuous drama. I do think drama can become a form of addiction.

Namaste,

Ingebirds

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Parenting Through Non Attachment

I have an adult son, a forty year old adult son. He is a wonderful person and a drama queen. He will go on stretches (albeit short ones) where he seems to be happy…then all of a sudden BAM! He’s on the drama roll and me being his mom, I worry about him. So, I was going to ask for advice on some private Buddhist group pages about what to do… and then I meditated on it and finally it came to me.

I can’t do anything to secure anyone’s happiness, not even those I love. Happiness is an inside job and it is up to him (and each of us) to find happiness on our own. I can advise him until I’m blue in the face and he will still do what he wants. To be honest everytime I try to offer advice he argues for his limitations, even if his argument is irrational (to me anyway).

I decided not to ask for anyone’s advice because the answer is in me.

Leave him alone. He is on his own life journey. He must be getting something out of living in drama otherwise he’d stop. All I can do is love him (and myself). I can choose to listen and I can choose to draw boundaries about what i will and will not listen to. I am in charge of my life and my happiness and that is it. I raised my son the best way i knew how and I have to let go of any guilt. I made mistakes like everyone else but I always encouraged him to follow his heart and supported his choices (I still do)… but there comes a time when he must take responsiblity for his life choices and either make new ones or stop complaining.

So…from now on I will relate to my son with love… and detachment because I realized today that my wanting to make his life better was causing me suffering. I was attched to his outcome and one of the Buddhist teachings I do remember clearly is that my attachment causes suffereing.