Parenting Through Non Attachment

I have an adult son, a forty year old adult son. He is a wonderful person and a drama queen. He will go on stretches (albeit short ones) where he seems to be happy…then all of a sudden BAM! He’s on the drama roll and me being his mom, I worry about him. So, I was going to ask for advice on some private Buddhist group pages about what to do… and then I meditated on it and finally it came to me.

I can’t do anything to secure anyone’s happiness, not even those I love. Happiness is an inside job and it is up to him (and each of us) to find happiness on our own. I can advise him until I’m blue in the face and he will still do what he wants. To be honest everytime I try to offer advice he argues for his limitations, even if his argument is irrational (to me anyway).

I decided not to ask for anyone’s advice because the answer is in me.

Leave him alone. He is on his own life journey. He must be getting something out of living in drama otherwise he’d stop. All I can do is love him (and myself). I can choose to listen and I can choose to draw boundaries about what i will and will not listen to. I am in charge of my life and my happiness and that is it. I raised my son the best way i knew how and I have to let go of any guilt. I made mistakes like everyone else but I always encouraged him to follow his heart and supported his choices (I still do)… but there comes a time when he must take responsiblity for his life choices and either make new ones or stop complaining.

So…from now on I will relate to my son with love… and detachment because I realized today that my wanting to make his life better was causing me suffering. I was attched to his outcome and one of the Buddhist teachings I do remember clearly is that my attachment causes suffereing.

Do You Want to be Right or Kind?

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Has anyone else noticed how much fighting goes on in social media these days? It got so bad that I turned off my news feed notifications and unfriended a few people who wrote endless angry posts (I did not know them personally so I didn’t feel bad about it). For the most part social media is a good thing. I have learned so much from bloggers and websites about health and Buddhism and spirituality. If it weren’t for social media I would have no idea how many inspiring people are out there.
Before FaceBook I got my information from the library. If i liked an author like, Dr. Wayne Dyer, I would buy the book from a brick-and-mortar bookstore. I still buy books old school but there are online writers who don’t publish and the only way I can follow them is online.
While this is one of the upsides to socia media there is an obvious downside (and I won’t even get into the amount of “misinformation” floating around). I’m talking about the mean stuff that some people post or comment on. Yes, the mainstream media probably plays a big part in creating fear and anger but it is us (me and you) who don’t have to buy into their manipulation. There are over seven billion people on this beautiful planet and there are almost as many different opinions. I believe in free speech, even if I don’t like what’s being said. I have the choice to listen or not. I have a choice to argue or be kind.
Let’s be honest, are we ever in “listening mode” when we are in a heated argument? Does the disagreement ever get resolved when both parties are pissed off? Isn’t it better to take a breath before we speak and ask ourselves “Is what I am about to say (write) kind?” and go from there.